Sunday, March 11, 2012

The piper at the pauper's funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a
funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless
man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
pauper's' cemetery in the back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods I got lost and
finally arrived an hour late. I saw the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the
diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like
I've never played before for this homeless man.

As I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep. They wept,
I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes
and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I
never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic
tanks for twenty years."

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Reposting some of my favourite quotes

Some of these I find hilarious; others amusing, and some provocative. I hope you enjoy some of them, too.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a trip to the bathroom.

There are three kinds of people in this world: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Douglas Adams
I really wish I had listened to what my mother had told me when I was young.
Why? What did she say?
I don't know. I didn't listen.

Joey Adams
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Fred Allen
I like long walks — especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Kingsley Amis
No pleasure is worth giving up for the sake of two more years in a geriatric home at Weston-super-Mare.

Joe Ancis
The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.

Poul Anderson
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way,
did not become still more complicated.

W. H. Auden
We're here on earth to do good for others. What the others are here for, I don't know.

Warren Bennis
The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

Ambrose Bierce
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Daniel J. Boorstin
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Dik Browne, aka Hagar the Horrible
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

Luis Buel
Solitude is a wonderful thing — so long as you can talk about it with someone afterwards.

Gelett Burgess
When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress.

George Burns
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Samuel Butler
The Ancient Mariner would not have taken so well if it had been called The Old Sailor.

Calvin vs Arminius graffiti
Freewill is a foregone conclusion
God made me an Arminian
Choose Life, Choose Calvinism

Lewis Carroll
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" asked Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't care much where-" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"- So long as I get somewhere." Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Raymond Chandler
I regard psychiatry as fifty percent bunk, thirty percent fraud, ten percent parrot talk,
and the remaining ten percent just a fancy lingo for the common sense we have had
for hundreds and perhaps thousands of years, if we ever had the guts to read it.

Geoffrey Chaucer
Women desire six things: They want their husbands to be brave, wise, rich, generous, obedient to wife, and lively in bed.

Sir Winston Churchill
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

Peter Cook and Dudley Moore
DM: Do you feel you've learnt by your mistakes here?
PC: I think I have, yes, and I think I can probably repeat them almost perfectly. I know my mistakes inside out.

Marie Corelli
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

Clarence Darrow
I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't,
because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.

Diogenes
On being asked by someone how he could become famous, Diogenes responded:
By worrying as little as possible about fame

George Eliot
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of that fact.

Erasmus
When I get a little money I buy books
and if any is left I buy food and clothes.

W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

Gene Fowler
Writing is easy: all you do is sit staring at the blanksheet of paper until the drops of blood form on your forehead.

Robert Frost
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

Stephen Fry
It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.

Of course too much is bad for you. That's what too much means!

David Gerrold
If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing for money.

Richard Gill
There are three sexes: male, female and Year Nine...

Ginger Meggs graffito
The difference between fiction and reality?
Fiction has to make sense.

Dick Gregory
America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.

Aldo Gucci
The bitterness of poor quality is remembered long after the sweetness of low price has faded from memory.

Jack Handy
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around.
That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

Hank Hanegraaff
If you find a perfect church, don't join it; you'll ruin it.

Sydney J. Harris
The rich who are unhappy are worse off than the poor who are unhappy;
for the poor, at least, cling to the hopeful delusion that more money would solve their problems -- but the rich know better.

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'

Alfred Hitchcock
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

John Andrew Holmes
It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.

Eugene Ionesco
Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions.
If I had answers, I'd be a politician.

Lyndon Baines Johnson
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
First, let her think she's having her own way.
And second, let her have it.

Greater love hath no man than to attend the Episcopal Church with his wife.

Samuel Johnson
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.

Franklin P. Jones
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

Mary Ellen Kelly
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

John F. Kennedy
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.

Vernon Law
Experience is a hard teacher, because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.

Stephen Leacock
I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

Simon Le Bon
I'm not a snob. Ask anybody. Well, anybody who matters.

Carol Leifer
Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one - except the Lord."

John Lennon (1940-80)
Nothing happened in the sixties except that we all dressed up.

Martin Luther
I have undertaken to translate the Bible into German. This was good for me; otherwise I might have died in the mistaken notion that I was a learned fellow.

Robert McCloskey
I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said,
but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Margaret Maron
Every time we start thinking we're the center of the universe, the universe turns around and says with a slightly distracted air, "I'm sorry. What'd you say your name was again?"

Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

He may look like an idiot, and he may sound like an idiot, but don't let him fool you. He really is an idiot.

Francois Mauriac
"Tell me what you read and I'll tell you who you are" is true enough, but I'd know you better if you told me what you reread.

James Ball Naylor
King David and King Solomon
Led merry, merry lives,
With many, many lady friends
And many, many wives;
But when old age crept over them,
With many, many qualms,
King Solomon wrote the Proverbs
And King David wrote the Psalms.

George S. Patton
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Mary Pettibone Poole
The next best thing to being clever is being able to quote someone who is.

Ronald Reagan
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book

Malcolm Rogers
The science of Psychiatry is now where the science of Medicine was before germs were discovered

Will Rogers
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

Andy Rooney
I've learned..... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks!

Dorothy L. Sayers
I always have a quotation for everything -- it saves original thinking.

Francis Schaeffer
In passing, we should note this curious mark of our own age: the only absolute allowed is the absolute insistence that there is no absolute.

Erik Satie
When I was young, I was told: "You'll see, when you're fifty."
I'm fifty and I haven't seen a thing.

Charles M. Schultz
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

George Bernard Shaw
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

Robert Silensky
We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of William Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know that this is not true.

Ringo Starr
Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong with that? Otherwise you sleep all day.

John Stoltenberg
Pornography tells lies about women. But pornography tells the truth about men.

Barbra Streisand
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

Bob Talbert
Good teachers are costly, but bad teachers cost more.

Lily Tomlin
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Mark Twain
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. But I am getting old and soon I shall remember only the latter.

Voltaire
The art of medicine is for the doctor to amuse the patient while nature heals the disease.

Auberon Waugh
Anyone wishing to communicate with Americans should do so by e-mail, which has been specially invented for the purpose, involving neither physical proximity nor speech.

Mae West
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Oscar Wilde
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

I am not young enough to know everything.

To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world, except take excercise, get up early, or be respectable.

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.

Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern; one is apt to grow old-fashioned quite suddenly.

John Wilmot
Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now, I have six children and no theories.

Ludwig Wittgenstein
When I came home I expected a surprise and there was no surprise for me, so, of course, I was surprised.

Richard Yates
They say that we are better educated than our parents' generation. What they mean is that we go to school longer. It is not the same thing.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Outstanding resource

Geoffrey Grogan's Getting more deeply into your Bible is a wonderful series of articles, being progressively released by John Grogan, son of the late Geoffrey Grogan.

It lives up to the claim of helping you to get more deeply into God's Word.

I highly recommend it.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Genuinely free book


So often free book offers turn out to be less than free. And, all-too-frequently, in fine print, near the end of the offer is a line which says
available to US residents only
which really cheeses off this Aussie!
But George Verwer's offer is genuine. I received my copy a few days ago. George wants to get as many people as possible to read Fred Heeren's Show Me God. (I have inserted the link to the Amazon product page, so that you can peruse the book, and also read the mainly positive reviews.)

The book's subtitle is What the Message from Space Is Telling Us About God. In the book, Heeren shares interviews with leading cosmologists and gives his own interpretation of how what they say and what the Bible says about creation can be harmonised.

I thought this short review from an Amazon reader was worth quoting:
I bought this book because I was having some serious doubts about God and Christianity. This amazing book cleared up all those doubts! When I finished reading the book I couldn't believe how clear everything was. There is no way anyone can read this book and be neutral about whethere or not there is a God. It is an amazing book and I highly recommend it for anyone. (Christen Humphries)

To order a copy, head to George's own webpage and follow the instructions.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Seeking for God

As God has given Himself to us to be enjoyed only in Christ, He is elsewhere sought for in vain - John Calvin

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Six Years

Do you keep a diary?

In January, 2006 I decided to attempt to follow in Dad's footsteps and start a diary. I've now completed the first 6 years in a Collins Kingsgrove Day to A Page diary.

I didn't begin writing until Friday, 27th January, but tried to fill in the first month, after the event.

Looking back over the past six years is interesting, though I expect I have written down some unimportant things and neglected some of those that I should have recorded.

I won't forget 1st January, 2006 because on that day I preached at Bathurst Evangelical Church and then baptised Luke Seve in the Macquarie River. It took a bit of doing to find a place where he could be fully immersed as the river was so shallow at that time.

All sorts of things have happened in the past six years: my father's two sisters died, my mother died, several people's marriages died, but we also celebrated David and Heidi's wedding with our whole family. We were so pleased to have Justin come home for the wedding and introduce his wife, Debbie to the family.

During the life of this diary, Joan and I began going away to celebrate our wedding anniversary and have stayed in Wellington, Abercrombie Caves, Carcoar, Blackheath and Cowra.

We also welcomed our second, third and fourth grandchildren and were thrilled when Number Four was our first granddaughter, Hilary.

The diary records my putting on all the weight I had lost in the couple of years before the diary began. I had lost 15 kilos, but by the time the diary was started I was already putting it on again, weighing 84 kilos on 1st January, 2006 and steadily increasing my weight until it was 97.8 on Cathy's birthday, 26th April, 2011.

During this six year period, i enjoyed teaching Miriam Siers, and seeing her awarded her A Mus A. Very exciting!

On that day, I got serious about losing the weight and began a diet and a few days later joined WeightWatchers. I'm pleased to say my first entry in my new diary records my weight as 82.2. I do hope to lose 8 kilos more and get to the top of what WeightWatchers says is my healthy weight range, stay there for 6 weeks and then get WeightWatchers free for life, provided that I don't gain more than 2 kilos.

When I began the diary, I had embarked on a project of reading through the Old Testament, inspired by Ron McCarthy having given us a chart to tick off reading through the New Testament in 90 days. I used the diary to record my progress and during the past six years have read the whole Bible through in
Today's New International Version (TNIV)
The ESV Reformation Study Bible,
The Books of the Bible: a presentation of Today's New International Version
The New Living Translation, 2nd edition
The Good News Bible,
The New Jerusalem Bible,
The ESV Study Bible,
The NIV Archaeological Study Bible
and The Contemporary English Version (CEV)
I'm currently a third of the way through the Holman Christian Standard Bible, using Logos Bible Software and consulting the New Bible Commentary or Tyndale Commentaries as I go. And I'm about 20% of the way through listening to The Bible Experience, which is a dramatic presentation of the TNIV by an African-American cast.

I'm pleased to have a record of my activities as a census collector in 2006 and 2011. I sincerely hope it talks me out of ever attempting it again. It is a difficult, low-paying job, but I'm pleased to have at least got my first e-reader out of the meagre proceeds.

During the past six years we have renewed our carpet and lino, bought 2 cars (both in 2007, because I wrote off our first Camry by driving straight through a Give Way sign on the corner of Howick and Rankin Sts and being collected by a Rural Fire Service Toyota Landcruiser, only 5 months after we purchased it).

I also have a record of my activities working for Western Research Centre in another low-paying job which involved telephone market research. That was not a pleasant occupation and I stopped before the centre suspended work during the global financial crisis.

And I can look back on the first weeks of term 4 each year, where I ran a voluntary Music Appreciation program for U3A at Mitchell Conservatorium. Over the past 9 years, I have enjoyed presenting programs on J S Bach, Mozart, Handel, Mendelssohn, Chopin and Schumann, 19th century Russian Music, 20th century British Music, French Music and Australian Music.

On 1st March ( St David's Day), 2009 I joined Toastmasters. I can look back on a few of my adventures there by looking up Mondays.

My diary also records a little of what has happened at our church over the past six years, which has coincided with Rodney Macready coming to be our pastor during 2006 and then Mark Sutton joining him last year.

If you are still with me, I'd be interested to read how you use your diary. Haven't started one yet? Today could be an ideal time. Or you could start later in January, just as I did in 2006.

Sunday, December 18, 2011



Christopher Hitchens speaks with Rev. Dr. Marilyn Sewell. Sewell is the recently retired minister of a large Unitarian Universalist congregation in Portland, Oregon. She professes to be a "liberal Christian" and actually brands atheist Hitchens a fundamentalist.

His first comment to Dr Sewell about her version of Christianity:
I would say that if you don’t believe that Jesus of Nazareth was the Christ and Messiah, and that he rose again from the dead and by his sacrifice our sins are forgiven, you’re really not in any meaningful sense a Christian.